How productive was your last “increasing workplace productivity” meeting? How many new productivity-boosting practices and apps have you spent time and money putting in place? Here’s some advice from your neighborhood otolaryngologist: ditch the fruitless meetings, cancel your wasteful productivity software, and invest in allergy drops.

Some old wives’ tales have only become more absurd as our understanding of science and medicine continues to improve. The “five second rule” is generally not observed as a truth among adults, and it’s taken about as seriously as the notion that chewing gum can stick to the stomach for seven years.